Love Can Never Forget
by Hi Sukoshi Jigoku Neko
Summary: Rated PG for Slash RL/SB. This is Remus' response to Sirius falling through the veil. The wolf in him is hurting, and trying to make Remus forget Sirius...but love can never forget. But, are you sure that Sirius is really dead? Be nice; me first HP fic.
1. The Idea

JN: Ok, so I finished the fifth book 16 times - 

YJN: And every time she hoped the damn ending would change…-_-'

JN: ^^;; shut up!! It's not fair that Sirius had to die! Damn stupid Harry Potter with his damn stupid heroism…

Harry: ::sniff sniff:: You're mean… ::sobs::

JN: ::huggles Harry, who turned chibi:: I'm sorry. I was mad, and I didn't mean it…

Harry: k! ^_^

JN: Remus, wanna do the disclaimer?

Remus: Sure. Hi Sukoshi Jigoku Neko doesn't own Harry Potter or any of the affiliated characters, things, places, objects, etc…So, please don't sue her.

JN: ^_^ K, onto the fic! ^_^

YJN: -_-'

Love Can Never Forget

Remus Lupin sat in a chair in the Black household, watching the rain through a window. He was on the verge of tears; he knew it, though he had promised himself that he wouldn't cry since _it_ happened, and he hadn't. Though, that was only a day and a half ago. No one knew that the werewolf was hurting. He kept up his normally calm pretenses for everyone, and no one saw through it, save one creature; Buckbeak, whom he took care of now. Somehow, no matter what he did to seem back to himself around the hippogriff, the creature seemed to know that something was wrong with him; the werewolf could see it in the intelligent eagle-eyes that it owned. This entire house; everything reminded Remus of _him_. Right down to the very aura that shrouded the air; since Sirius had inhabited the house, it had begun to even _feel_ like the anigmus. Kreacher wasn't helping matters either. The annoyingly insane house elf walked about, no longer muttering about 'mudbloods' and 'mistress would be so disappointed'. Now the little git was walking about, outright singing to a very random, tone-deaf tune something along the lines of 'Mistress would be happy, dead is her filthy evil son. Kreacher's done it for her, the darker lord has won!' But by the time he had that much of it out with Remus in earshot, he realized that the werewolf was present, and immediately ran off, ears flattening against his head in fear. This is because that Remus had dealt with the annoying creature's antics for the first half day. By noon, Kreacher was screaming in a trunk that was magicked shut and thrown off of the roof. _Repeatedly_. By the time he had been let out, and that was only when Dumbledoor had asked Remus to release him, he was so shaken up and sick, that no one had seen him for another half a day. The first time the blond had seen him was later this morning, in which case, he turned tail and ran in the other direction, not saying a word.

Now, onto Remus, who was ready to smash the window he was looking through with all of the pent-up frustration that he held. _Sirius, why did you go? Why? Dammit, it would have been so much easier if you had just done as told and stayed put in your house. But no, you couldn't listen to Snape's suggestion; wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell you to stay behind_… A tear slid down the blond werewolf's cheek. He had to get out; had to get away from the reminders of Sirius. Not bothering with a cloak, he flung open the door and ran into the rain blindly, remembering to close the door behind him as a habit only. Having no idea where he was going, he ran, and he ran, and he ran, until the breath in his lungs burned and the weight of his sodden clothes caused him to collapse, panting heavily as the water from the skies splashed onto his face and body. The freezing cold drops hit his pale skin hard, numbing him; freeing him from his pain, from his sorrow……from his love. 

Leaning against a tree he had not known was there, he realized that the sorrowing wolf inside had brought him to a place of comfort; the forest that was about a thirty minute car ride from number 12, Grimmauld Place. Shaking in the cold that he refused to acknowledge, he sat there, under the thick branches of a cedar, soaking wet and still being rained on profusely, and just stared. Stared at the air in front of him, not really seeing; just…hurting. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything hurt. Even his soul was aching as one thought that he would never fully come to accept finally made itself known to the wizard. _Sirius Black is dead_. Venomously, Remus argued, _No, he's not, dammit! He's not._ At this, another tear trickled down the werewolf's face. _He is, and you know it. Just accept it._ The wolf was at it again. It had loved Sirius too, and werewolves mate for life; it was hurting more than the blonde himself was, but instead of crying and attempting to remember him like Remus was, it was trying it's damnedest to make him forget the anigmus in any way he could. _No he's not. I will *not* accept it, because if I do, he will truly be dead; at least I can remember him._ Remus fought back. He couldn't just forget Sirius like that; they had been through so much, from transformations to Hogwarts to Azkaban and more… _Stupid human. Don't torment us both by holding onto foolish hopes; you saw him fall into the veil, and you said yourself that there was no way he lived. All of you humans are so weak; makes me sick._ the creature inside of him sneered, and Remus saw red. _Weak? WEAK? You are the one that is trying to take the easiest way out of this and just forget him when you know that you love him more than I do, so stop pretending that it's easy to just let go; it's killing you, and so you try to forget, but you never will, and you want to know why my four legged friend? BECAUSE LOVE CAN NEVER FORGET! You will never wash away the smell of his hair, or the charm of his smile, or how it felt to just sit in his arms, content with the world and simply happy. You never will because emotions run deep, and the more you love the deeper they run; you can never purge yourself of them. It doesn't matter what you do. You can pretend to forget and be fine, but you never will be, because you will never forget him! You speak of weakness as if it excludes you, but you are truly the weakest one of us all, acting as if you never gave a damn, when I know very well that you are so miserable you can barely see!_ With that, Remus let the forbidden tears stream down his face, mixing with the tears from the sky so that you couldn't tell which were his and which came from heaven itself……

Remus blinked. He was still in the park, but it had stopped raining, and it was beginning to become dark outside. He must have fallen asleep. He was stiff from sitting up, and as he moved to stand, earned himself a neck spasm and a few aching joints. Pulling himself up, he thought idly that perhaps some of the residents at number 12 Grimmauld Place would be missing him, but at the same toll, couldn't bring himself to care at all. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to care about much at the moment. Looking around, though not really seeing, he picked a random direction and started to walk. He knew that the full moon was only a day away, but the wolf wouldn't try anything, and he didn't have to take another dose of the Wolfsbane Potion until morning. He had no idea where he was going; he was simply walking to waste time, and there really was no other reason. Turning down a few side streets, he finally decided to go for a fly instead; it was much more conventional for flying, and Remus enjoyed it more than walking. Tiredly, Remus whispered, holding his wand out,

"Accio Broom." Within seconds, it appeared next to him, and staying in the shadows, the werewolf mounted and kicked off the ground gently, returning to the skies that he once was terrified of. It had been Sirius who had showed him that there was nothing to be afraid of up there; showed him that flying was a wonderful escape into a wonderland of clouds and sky. Remus closed his eyes, letting the wind flow through the yellow locks that were streaked with silver, courtesy of the wolf in him, and imagined that Sirius was sitting behind him, arms around the waist of the wolf, chin on his shoulder saying,

"See Remus. It's wonderful up here." _Yes Sirius, it is beautiful up here, but nothing would be better than if you were here with me,_ Remus thought as another tear threatened to slip down his face. Willing himself not to show his sorrow, he concentrated on the sky around him, simply twisting and turning and trying to forget the deep chuckle that would have come from his partner had he been with Remus……

Around an hour later, the werewolf landed randomly, deciding that he was freezing cold enough, having been flying in the clouds and already being wet. Looking around, he had no idea where he was. That is, until he saw the glare of one of the orange street light reflect off of a vandalized old telephone booth. _Why in the world am I here where he…?_ thought Remus, about to remount his broom and get out of there as fast as possible. But, the wolf stopped him suddenly. _You are sure that there is no way that he survived the fall into that veil when he was hit with the jinx?_ It asked, in what could almost be called a hopeful manner. Remus blinked, and then replied in a slightly uncertain fashion, _Well, yes. That was the veil between worlds he fell through. You know I've read about it before. Even if he somehow didn't go to another dimension and wasn't affected by the jinx, the fall in most likely would have ripped him to pieces within a second._ Then, he felt the wolf smile in a slow, feral way. _But it might not have……_ Well, the creature was right. He may have just been taken in and was floating between worlds, in which case he could possibly be brought back with a spell that Remus had read about……the blonde werewolf shook his head. No. The chance that Sirius was still alive and simply just behind the veil that he couldn't break past was less than a million to one. _But there is still a chance, and if you know him half as well as I do, you'll know that there's a good chance that the one is the case._ The wolf argued. Remus could feel it's hopes grow, and the blonde wasn't sure what the hell the creature had in mind, though he was sure it probably was not something that was legal. _What are you getting at? It doesn't matter; we can't get to him anyway. That veil is in the department of mysteries, and besides, you are only setting us up for another crush to the hear that you and I both don't need._ Then, the wolf said something that made Remus look up at the phone booth thoughtfully. _It wouldn't hurt anyone to go and look, now would it…?……_

TBC……

JN: There should be one more chapter, possibly 2, but I don't really think so.

YJN: -_-' I would be content to just leave it as is.  
Remus: What're you making me do??!

JN: Nothing that bad……just…illegal…and you might get sent to Azkaban……

Remus: O.o HELP! ::runs::

JN: ^^;; he'll be back, but if I dun get no reviews, then I won't be…^^;;


	2. Through the Veil

JN: I'm back with another chapter.

Remus: Oh great. Now you're gonna get me thrown into Azkaban.

JN: ^^;; Possibly…

Remus: -_-'

JN: Disclaimer?

Remus: ::sighs:: Hi Sukoshi Jigoku Neko doesn't own Harry Potter.

JN: Thanx!! On to the fic!!

Chapter 2: Through the Veil

Remus looked at the phone booth for a moment before he made up his mind, steeled his reserve, and stepped towards it quickly. _If it will make you happy, I'll show you where he is, but then, we're leaving; immediately,_ Remus thought vehemently as the wolf gave off a smug smile. Stepping inside the old phone booth, Remus dialed 62442 on the dial and waited. Soon after, a cool female voice said,

"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business." Deciding that he wouldn't lie, though he felt certain that he had read somewhere that the visitors to the Ministry of Magic were recorded somewhere as coming and going, he said,

"Remus Lupin, I'm here on an inquiry from an annoying counterpart." A few seconds later, the voice came again, 

"Thank-you. Visitor, please take the badge and attach them to the front of your robes." A small square silver badge that read _Remus Lupin, Knowledgeable Inquiry_ on it, which Remus took and pinned to the long-sleeved green shirt he wore. Then, the voice continued,

"Visitor to the Ministry, you are required to submit to a search and present your wand for registration at the security desk, which is located at the far end of the Atrium." Then, the floor of the telephone booth began to sink beneath the pavement with a shudder, and the blonde thought to himself, _It's still this easy to get into the ministry, what with what's gone on within the past few days?_ And with that, he cast a strong invisibility charm, assuming that there would be some kind of guard on duty down there, possibly more than one. Gold light slipped through the glass in the phone booth, and Remus tucked his wand away, crouching to see if his suspicions would be confirmed about the guards. Shock found its way to his face as he didn't see any extra security guards; just a few stragglers that were pulling late nighters, and to his luck, one of them was getting in the phone booth to leave the way he had gone out, so he would be unnoticed.

Slipping past the witch that was waiting to get in the phone booth, he heard the phone booth woman's voice say in a semi-loud fashion,

"The ministry of magic wishes you a pleasant evening." With that, the invisible werewolf made his way around the few witches and wizards that were standing around chatting and waiting for a turn with the floo powder at the fireplaces. Again he was in luck however, as there was a witch waiting to get on the lifts and go down, so that he again wouldn't be noticed. Patiently, he waited for the lifts to arrive, and arrive they did, after a minute. Following the red-headed witch in, he pushed the number 9 button, waiting patiently for the lift to start its descent. This witch, however, got off on level seven, and the voice came up, saying,

"Department of Magical Games and Sports, incorporating the British and Irish Quidditch League Headquarters, Official Gobstones Club, and Ludicrous Parents Office." The lift continued down the shaft, and when it reached level nine, the doors opened, and the telephone booth voice said,

"Level Nine; Department of Mysteries [1]." Doors clanking open, the blonde stepped out of the lift and made his way down the corridor, he knew exactly where to go; he had been there in his dreams, bringing Sirius back, much like the wolf wanted him to do now.

Through the plain black door, into the circular room with the polished smooth black floor, and now, for the guesswork. As he closed the door he came through, he muttered "_astrum parvus_" [2], a quiet charm that put a small green star on the handle, and then, the room spun, which was to be expected. Stepping up to one door, he attempted to open it, but found that it was locked, and none of the unlocking charms he used, from "_alohamora_" to the post N.E.W.T. level "_Patefacio_", and nothing worked. Giving up on it, he decided that it was the door that he was told held something quite unpleasant behind it; not the deep pitted room with an archway in it. Muttering "_astrum cruentus parvus_" [3] and another star appeared on this handle, though it was red this time, because if all other doors failed, he would return to this one.

Turning to the one directly left of himself, he opened it, and immediately decided that this was most definitely not it. The brilliant glare that blinded him told him so, because the room with the archway was dark with only a few candles to light the way. Closing the door halfway, he created another green star, and then, closed the door the rest of the way. The room spun again, and the werewolf waited patiently as the walls stopped moving, and he chose the door three from his left, one away from the door with the red star's right. Opening it, he found that this room wasn't it either; there were multiple cages here, each holding a different kind of bizarrely mutated animal. It was dark and dank here, and the extremely low burning torches were purplish in hue, casting long, strange shadows on the floor that were simply not normal looking. Backing up a bit, the wolf growled deep in his throat as each animal lunged at its cage doors and bared what fangs it had, a few blowing fire, or reaching out with vines that the blonde werewolf dispelled with "_Incendio_". Making it back into the black room again, he half closed the door, added another green star to it, and closed it all the way. Whirling again, Remus closed his eyes when it stopped and took a deep breath. He didn't have time for this. He needed to find the room with the veil in it, and get there. _Now_. After a second, his eyes snapped open. _That one_, thought the blonde as he walked to the door third from his right. Opening it, he didn't smile as the darkness of the room seeped into him, chilling him to the bone, wrapping around his mind and drawing him in; _calling _to him, wanting him to find the veil. Calmly walking down the amphitheater like room, he made it to the circular floor that was sunken in, hands trembling as he told himself that he wouldn't find anything; told himself that he only did this to make the wolf quiet for a time.

He was lying, and he knew it, however. The wolf's talk of Sirius most likely having that very slim chance of being alive had sparked a forbidden sense of hope inside of him; a small candle's flame, flickering in the winds of reality. It would soon be put out though, or so he told himself, approaching the slightly raised dais that the ancient looking archway sat on. He heard soft whispers, though they were muddled and undecipherable; people from other worlds, their words slipping past the magic of the edge of their dimensions. Stepping forward, he reached the platform and stepped up fluidly, as if his feet had already decided where they were going, and weren't to be stopped by anything; even the blonde himself.

The feeling that someone was standing just on the other side of the veil intensified, as if Remus could simply reach in and touch the arm of this would-be creature. He knew that this was not the case though; should he put a hand through, things would become disastrous for the blonde werewolf, and he was aware. Tears stung the backs of his eyes as he sank to his knees. He couldn't do this, and he knew it. If there was anything holding on behind that archway, he didn't know what it was until it came over here, and he wouldn't be able to put it back very easily if it wasn't Sirius. It was a risk that he knew he shouldn't take, but really……

_Weak, incompetent human. You would turn away now, after you've taken so many pains to get here, now that you're so close to seeing if perhaps he has survived? You say that I am the weakest one of all; well, perhaps that is because I share a body with you,_ came the taunt of the wolf as it realized that Remus was despairing. Leave it to the creature to goad Remus in just the right way that he would continue with what he was doing. Standing shakily, Remus thought vehemently, _If I die, you go to, and I will *so* make your afterlife a living hell._ And with that, he muttered the incantation that would open the veil for only a moment; enough for something to slip through the veil if it were close enough. 

"_Sustuli Velum_." [4] A sliver coating slipped down the veil, and the edge of the darkness that covered the area between the legs of the arch, and it started to slowly dissappate, as if being lifted away…

TBC……

JN: So, how was that?

YJN: It sucked, just like all of your other fics.

JN: ;_; it did?

YJN: yep. I think you should discontinue it.

JN: ;_; ::starts to sob:: You mean it? Really?

YJN: Yep. In fact, you should delete this chapter and this fic and just forget about it.

JN: ::sobs uncontrollably::

YJN: -_-' ::slaps JN::

JN: ::cries harder::

Remus: -_-' R'n'R if you want another chapter, or else I think Yami Hi Sukoshi Jigoku Neko is going to make Hi Sukoshi Jigoku Neko delete it… -_-'

Footnotes:

1 - I'm not sure this is what she says; it might be just "Department of Mysteries", but I can't really remember, so please, dun flame me about it! ^^;; I can't remember everything, and I'm too lazy to look it up.

2 - Latin for "Small Star" (lit. star small)

3 - Latin for "Small Red Star" (lit. star red small)

4 - Latin for "Lift the Veil" (lit. lift curtain")


End file.
